Welcome to Eternity

I caught a glimpse of who I am

I didn’t recognize myself

Frightened

Amazed

The only two things I could feel

My eyes were on fire

My heart was calm

My walk was peaceful

My spirit was intent

In an instant I questioned how this could be me

And never gave it a second thought

I knew the answer

I’ve always known the answer

Open up oh my heart

Open up oh my mouth

Tear down all that you’ve built

Speak up all that you fear

Metamorphosis, Metamorphosis, Metamorphosis

Who are you?

Unrecognizable

Who you are

Undeniable

Hello earth

Meet heaven

Hello impossible

It’s me again

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The Healing of My Heart

I’m in love with you

More in love with you than anything else in this world

You’re the only one I’ll chase to the ends of the earth

Keep the money

Keep the car

Keep the house and its picket fence

As long as I have you I’m the richest

Don’t leave my side

Let’s lie in the grass and stare at the sky until the stars fade

Let’s chase our wildest dreams until reality sets in

Let’s make the world a better place until we reach old age

Let’s watch our children finish what we started

Just me and you

That’s how it has always been

That’s how it was always meant to end

Don’t let go of my hand

Turn my heart inside out

Make it clean again

Make it bleed again

Turn my heart inside out

Make it leave for good

Let me breathe for good

Identity

I’m walking back into the war I fought for so long

I’m running back into the war I feared for so long

Don’t worry

I know why I’m fighting now

Those with me are more than those with them

My eyes are open

We march

Sprinting to the battle line

I’m taking back everything

Everything

My hands are steady

My feet are planted

My sword, sharper than any double edged

I know why I do this now

I know why I’m here

I’ve been here before

I know the cost

I know the sacrifice

I know defeat

My victory is great

Where men died, I lived

Where men lost, I won

Where hope faded, I believed

Don’t worry, I know why I’m fighting now

Don’t wait up for me

I’ll return to you

One way or another

Freedom

For the first time in a long time

I can feel again

It’s been a while since I’ve been here

It’s been so cold outside; I forgot how this warmth felt

The bleeding finally stopped

Now just scars remain

I’ve let go of the remnants

I just want what’s best for me

My heart still beats

My lungs still breathe

My mind still speaks

I’m still here

Here, I’ll be still

Just for a moment, the fighting is over

We won

Just how you spoke we would

I’m sorry I lost you

I’m glad that I found you

I’m glad that I have you

Even in the midst of losing everything

I still smile

As you stand next to me

I can see the sun breaking through the clouds

I can feel the wind kiss my neck

I can feel your hand in mine

Let’s stay like this

Through whatever is next

Prelude to Freedom

I can’t see straight

I can’t think straight

I’m not who I thought I was

I’m not who I envisioned

I’m more cold than kind

More broken than whole

More hurt than healed

Shattered past, tattered rags, battered body

I close my heart to truly loving

Surrounded it with impenetrable walls

Not even an army would be able to breach

Who would waste their time anyway?

Day and night I suffer

With a smile on my face

You’d never guess because you’d never understand

I’m crying out, but I don’t know how to let pride go

Tear down these walls and cut my heart open

Break me down and break me out

Tear me apart until I’m never the same

I can handle the pain

I know pain

I live pain

I am pain

I knew pain

I’ve lived pain

I was pain

I can handle the pain

The Secret Place

My soul is torn

Tattered with countless scars

My body is exhausted from these sleepless nights

My mind burned out from these constant thoughts

The very earth beneath my feet has given out

I’m trapped in this hole

They laugh as they pass me by

They shake their heads as they look down on me

I know their thoughts

Their eyes speak loudly

There’s no strength left in me to yell out

I just sit quietly as I drown in my tears

I know this place

I’ve been here before

I hate this place

I come here too often

What’s wrong with me?

Why can’t I stand on firm ground like them?

Why can’t I stop saying “I can’t”?

I know this place

I’ve been here before

I hate this place

I come here too often

I’ve never felt more at home

I’ve never felt you more than I do now

When I’m here

Alone

Home

There’s a part of me that wants to stay

Tough it out and overcome

There’s a part of me that wants to leave

Gone with the wind and never come back

The war rages on

The daily battles are tougher than they have ever been

Some I lose

Some I win

I can feel the pain surging through my body

I can feel the joy spring up from the depths of my soul

I’m constantly divided

Continuously seeking for a constant

I tear myself apart looking for what can keep me together

Something

Someone

Anything

Anyone

I search aimlessly knowing good and well you’re in the back of my mind

Lover of my soul

Whisper in the storm

Breath in my lungs

I knocked on everyone’s door but yours

Fear, guilt, shame

I just want to be whole

I just want to get away from the cold

You let me in because you know who I am

Even when I don’t

The Boy

Can you hold me?

Just for a minute

Can I rest my head on your chest?

I know I’m a man and this is way out of character

But, just for a minute, can we not care?

The weight on my shoulders is unbearable

I’m sinking

I can feel it

Can I lean my head on your shoulders and close my eyes until it all goes away?

I know I’m a man

I apologize for the tears in my eyes

It’s unlike me

As a matter of fact

I’ve cried more tears in the last two months than I have in my entire life

I can’t seem to hold them back

This road has been so long and lonely

I’ve been traveling the path of restoration

Nobody told me that these roads were so broken

My heart longs to be whole again

My spirit aches to be home again

My words race to find a listening ear

Can you hear me?

Just for a minute

I promise I won’t be long

Surrender

I choose you

More than anything I choose you

Drench me in your love

Drown me in your grace

Let the depth of my repentance signify the depth of our relation

Satisfy me with long life

Show me your salvation

Break my heart

Love my jagged pieces

Heal this wounded old soul

We’ve been through much

Where I can’t go on, continue for me

My hands are shaky

My breathing is hyper

Your spirit is calm

I’m able to slay the lions and tigers

But this weight I can no longer bare

Clear my shoulders

Be my clarity through confusion

You see me

You hear me

You know me

Even all the way up there

Your attention is on me

What is man, that you love him this intricate?

You chose me

More than anything you chose me

Beginning of The End

I’m trying my best

I’m trying my best to hold on

I don’t know if my best is sufficient

Or if my grip just isn’t the best

I’m losing my hold on what I’ve held for so long

I’m losing you

I’ve lost myself

I’m stuck between two worlds

It’s costing every bit of my strength to hold us together

One by one my fingers slip

Index, middle, ring, pinky

What do I have left if I let go?

I’m torn apart that we’re apart

So be it, just let me go

Apart from being torn I am no longer lost

I no longer have to hold on

For the first time I can rest in being held

For the first time

I can rest